K-SCORE: 32
Rapper: Jay-Z
The first song I asked Kyle to review was Jay-Z’s “Roc Boys”. I figured it’d be good to give Kyle a popular rapper to start out with, but not give him a song that crossed over into the conscience of the general populace (like Empire State of Mind). I will always appreciate this song for the handshake introduced in the music video (double high five leading to a mutual salute). Classic. But again, this blog is just about the song, not the video. Let’s see what Kyle thought.
-Mike
Jay Z… you just rapped to me about how “Roc Boys” are in the building. For this I give you a 32 out of 100. Not that I’m qualified to evaluate much of what you’re doing here, but come on man. You’re already a massively wealthy, successful and famous rap star, and all you can come up with to talk about now is how you’re a massively wealthy, successful and famous rap star. When you come into buildings “drinks is on the house.” Great. I guess. For all of your douchebag friends I’m sure they’re very excited to have you swing by clubs and therefore they don’t even "gotta bring their papers out," which I’m assuming means they don’t have to pay for anything. I suppose he could be referring to immigration papers as opposed to cash, and if this is the case I find myself respecting the song more.
You lost fifty points, Jay Z, for being too lazy to write a song about something remotely accessible to anyone who isn’t you, and I’m deducting one point because I don’t believe for a second that you actually keep all of your cash in a Nike shoe box. The final few points you lost because at the very end you stopped rapping, stopped using a beat, stopped everything musical about your song, and just shouted at me “this is black super hero music right here baby, American Gangsta.” Aren’t you going to let other people decide if your song has reached the lofty goal of being black super hero music? And now that I think about it, what does black super hero music indicate? That you’re a black super hero creating music or that your music is only accessible to black super heroes, like the Storm and the original Green Lantern? I’m inclined to think it’s the latter. And did you see American Gangster? I think the message you took from it was very different from what was at the heart of the film.
All of that being said, it didn’t hurt my ears and I could understand all of the words, so “Mazel tov, bitch, on your rich ni**a black bar mitzvah.”