Rapper: Birdman
Kyle and I are in a fight. He did not like "Juicy" the way I thought he would so we had a bit of an argument. It's not a great situation... but the blog must go on. So I present "100 Million" another 'posse song'. The only way I'm going to get over Kyle's review of B.I.G. is to spend "about a hundred million dollars". I'm off, enjoy.
-Mike
“words are coming out of your mouth faster than my lips could ever shape the phonemes present in your content-less sentences”
I don’t know who to credit this masterful waste of time to. Birdman seems to get the lead rapper credit, but there are six guys responsible for the rapping in “100 Million,” so I guess they had to spread around the “cash money” they made from this useless song.
I’m giving “100 Million” a sixty-one, as long as we all can agree that this serves no purpose. It’s not trying to make an edgy or political statement about society. It’s not telling a story. There’s no emotional content. There’s no conflict. All these guys do is say they got “a hundred million dollars and they came from the ghetto.” That’s it. That’s all that’s here.
I credit it for being so satisfyingly musical. The chorus is awesome. Well done Dre and the nine other people (or nine other times you recorded the chorus alongside yourself) because even though you only impart the information already present in the title, I really enjoyed listening to it. I respect whenever I bear witness to artists doing something that I myself am not capable of doing. And words are coming out of your mouth faster than my lips could ever shape the phonemes present in your content-less sentences. Despite this, I understood what you said. Damn deft diction Dre.
Young Jeezy, congrats on winning the award for most number of times I had to listen to your rap stanza before I understood what you were trying to say. That being said - way more sophisticated and way more badass than the rest of these clowns. While I can’t relate to any of this, I can imagine “really not liking ni**as that f*ck around and get everybody indicted.” You’re responsible for the twenty additional points to pop “100 million” over the 50% barrier.
I can’t speak so highly about the rest of you. Rick Ross, all you could think of to spend your “100 Million” dollars on was two microwaves and an insanely high phone bill. (Is that some rapper thing I don’t understand? How successful do you need to become in this industry before international calling isn't an issue anymore?)
Birdman, you spent your money on cars. Okay. But Birdman don't fly?
Lil’ Wayne, I’m not impressed that you spent such a huge portion of your money on teeth jewelry. Also, you’re in a gang, you’re in the hood, you’ve got a mean mug… are you sure you “ain’t a asshole?” I’d check again.
D.J. Khaled, D.J. Khaled, D.J. Khaled… what is your problem? You almost ruin this whole thing shouting your bullshit at the beginning and the end. “We da best!” Huh? “We”? Seems like all you did was shout at the top of your voice. You didn’t rhyme, sing, incorporate rhythm into a rap, or make some thought provoking statement. You suck dude. Even if they were “da” best, you’d just be an idiot trying to tailgate on other people’s successes. And do you have any concept of how much money a trillion dollars is? It’s not a bunch of millions. It’s not fathomable, and no rapper is a trillionaire. No person is a trillionaire. Most countries aren’t. You just come off looking like a complete fool in this thing. Do everyone else a favor and next time just shut up. You can be one of the “bitches shippin’” Birdman’s “baggage.
Side Note: I just learned that I'm in a fight today. No one told me. I'm all broken up about it.