K-SCORE: 45
Director: Rowdy Herrington
Writer: David Lee Henry
Starring: Patrick Swayze
Spoiler Level: Moderate
Alright I finally manned up and watched Road House. Mikey should be proud. Apparently I lived my life for twenty-five years shamefully ignorant as to the existence of this mediocre action film from the 80's. It's quintessentially a cult-hit. There has to be a dozen or so films with equally absurd plots, so-so production quality, and humdrum action sequences from the era that could have struck a chord and didn't for reasons unknowable.
“as soon as people start dying, it’s not about bouncers anymore”
This thing is ridiculous. I kind of like the first half where the conflicts involve Swayze being an expert bouncer for a violent club, but when it devolves into a tale of vengeance on some wealthy town overlord, it becomes basically utter nonsense. The first hour, even though missing a central conflict, is actually a little interesting. It'll have you believe that the most important job a man can do is calming unruly customers at rural nightclubs. Furthermore, if you're doing that job, the best reaction you can have to any situation is no reaction. Swayze lazy. Nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, beat the shit out of everyone. Zen Dalton, in the end, finds no superior solution to dealing with troublemakers than roundhouse kicking them in the face. It's a little compelling, if a bit off-message.
But as soon as people start dying, it's not about bouncers anymore, is it? He has to go on a counter-murdering spree against the villain and his gang, who are only tangentially linked to the bar and Dalton in the first place.
I think Road House is remembered because they decided to give Dalton’s profession the goofy name: "cooler" and because he utilizes an unusual martial arts maneuver at one point where he pulls someone’s throat out of their body with his bare hand. Wait, is this film the origin for the alternate definition of the word "cool?"