K-SCORE: 81
Director: Karyn Kusama
Writer: Diablo Cody
Starring: Megan Fox, Amanda Seyfried, Johnny Simmons, J.K. Simmons, Amy Sedaris, Adam Brody
“Megan Fox was actually a solid actress, may she rest in peace.”
Spoiler Level: Minor
Because she lies about being a virgin in a misguided attempt to get an emo band to not rape her, antihero Jennifer is mistakenly sacrificed to the devil in a ritual designed to bring modest notoriety to the pasty Minnesota singers who kidnapped her. However, plunging the dagger into her stomach and throwing her in a bottomless pit at the base of a waterfall only transforms her into a teenage-boy-hungry succubus. It’s then up to her best friend, distinguished as the nerdy one by her glasses, to recognize Jennifer for what she has become and vanquish her before she terrorizes the entire male population of their high school class. If you don’t want to watch this movie after that description, I don’t understand you at all.
A few things I noticed on my Jennifer’s Body rewatch. Megan Fox was actually a solid actress, may she rest in peace. It’s too bad her short-lived career was bogged down with Michael Bay PG-13 Amerisplosion Pornos because I get bored of listening to The Beef mumble and panic after about fifteen minutes, but I would watch Megan Fox seduce and bloodily destroy a thousand jocks, goths, and band geeks before I asked, “What else is on?” The other important lesson to come out of Jennifer’s Body (Ha! Puns.), is that even female directors and casting agents refuse to cast even slightly unattractive actresses in even subordinate roles written for geeky teenagers. Look at how hot Amanda Seyfried is in this film?! May she, also, rest in peace.
Jennifer’s Body is pretty weird and pretty solid. It definitely doesn’t take itself too seriously. If someone goes at this premise again, they need to up the ante. Three demonic murders and only one scene that takes place in a dimly lit, strangely overgrown, high school pool house? What is this amateur hour?
Man I can’t wait for Stewart, Woodley, and this new Delevigne thing to turn 30. Put a flower on their tombstones and try out a new crop. They just don’t make them like they used to.