K-SCORE: 22
Rapper: Cam'ron
Everybody get hype, Dipset has arrived. If you ask me, Cam’ron is the Rain Man of rap music. He doesn’t seem that functional, but the content of his songs are unbelievably diverse. I’ve heard him rap about Osh Kosh B’Gosh, Entenmann’s, Yahtzee, and cranberry sauce (among many, many other things). I have to be in a particular mood to listen to his songs. He’s fascinating. Please enjoy “I Really Mean It”, as I hope Kyle did.
-Mike
Cam’Ron, what the hell was that? “I Really Mean It” means absolutely nothing. With no central idea or argument, I can’t follow any of what you’re saying. You’ve got no focus dude, even on a grammatical level. The ratio of nouns to verbs is all out of whack in this song, leading to long, barely intelligible strings of half-thoughts. They become thrice as ironic when you have some anonymous female voice calling out “I really mean it” at the end of half your lyrics.
Mr.’Ron, let me walk you through some of your own lyrics and show you where you went wrong. In verse one, you rap this right at me as if it’s okay: “Beemer leaned it” then“Guns. Really beaming. Rarely miss. What’s really good? Bikes. Wheelie and creamin’” Then, “I’m a genius. Papadopoulos. Never leanin’ on your zenith.” (All the while the woman in the background "really means it") Go ahead and take another look, ‘Ron. Read it again.
In just a few quick verses, you gave me only one complete sentence, one question, and seven incomplete thoughts. Are you naming stuff nearby to you? Are you naming things that were a part of your life recently? Or are these all obscure references and inside jokes? If so, was the target audience for this exclusively your homosexual man friend, Jim Jones (that’s right, I’m coming after you next Mr. Jones). Amazingly, the only cohesive thought you’ve given me is “I’m a genius” which just plain silly next to this other stuff. Maybe your brain is a vast well of untapped knowledge; after all, you do know of deceased Greek colonel Georgios Papadopoulos, but what does he have to do with anything? Or bikes, guns, wheelies, the highest point on the celestial sphere - without any reason or ability to turn your thoughts into actionable ideas, you’re useless Cam’Ron. Useless. Not a genius. “What’s really good?” Not this.
Somehow, in your onslaught of half conceived thoughts, I’ve taken away the impression that you think you’re “Daddy Warbucks” and you want “orphan Annie” to “take off her panties.” Did I get that right? If so, disregard above. It would be better for everyone if you don’t learn subject verb agreement because your thoughts should remain forever trapped in your head where they’ll do less damage.
All of that lost you sixty points, and you lost another ten because in between your two verses you left the studio to run some errand that was apparently too urgent to wait for you to finish recording your song.
Jim Jones, you cost Cam’Ron the rest. You don’t rap in this at all, but Cam’Ron thought it was so crucial that you be around to constantly reaffirm his existence with praise that you two couldn’t be parted even between verses. It’s sweet really. I get it. You “got his back forever.” I’m a little confused why you have so much animosity for other gay people though. The deduction comes because it is so pathetically desperate for a song to be evaluating its own success before it’s even finished.
So there you go Cam’Ron of Dipset, which Mike tells me stands for ‘The Diplomats.’ Twenty-one. If you’re going to be a diplomat, you really need to improve your communication skills. “Unnh. Yeeah. Yeeah... I really mean it.”