K-SCORE: 54
Rapper: Snoop Dogg
Throwback! I thought it was important for Kyle to hear from the Doggfather early on. Snoop's seminal track "Gin and Juice" celebrates one of the more mediocre party drinks out there (among other things). Also, a long standing debate I've had is whether the sound opening the song is someone pouring a drink or someone relieving themselves. I'm a firm believer that it's someone peeing. What do you think?
Anyway, let's read Kyle's review.
-Mike
Mr. D-O-double-G, I’m awarding you with a 54 for describing what I hope was at least a weekend day in “Gin and Juice.”
I got to say, I liked the whole thing. At no point were you shouting at me like a maniac, and, while I can’t say your morning sounds enjoyable to me, you weren’t preaching your activities as the end all be all of successful life. You’re mostly harmless, and I appreciate that. In other words, Mr. Dogg, if there was a ‘ghetto university,’ Kanye might be the professor, and Jay Z might be the jock athlete getting all the attention, but you’d still be the screw-up who doesn’t do anything but skip class to sit on the lawn and get high. And I respect that.
I think “Gin and Juice” is working for me because your brain seems to think lyrically. What’s it like walking around your house in your head? Every object has to rhyme with something else in the same room? Those are ‘doors’ and those are ‘ho’s’ over there in your bed. To you those words rhyme. To me, and just about everyone else on the planet, ‘ho’s’ and ‘doors’ doesn’t rhyme anymore than ‘on’ rhymes with ‘morning.’
So here’s where you lost all of your points. You preface this whole rap with how it’s “kinda hard being Snoop D-O-double-G,” and then you go on to describe your entire day consisting of nothing other than a “pocket full of rubbers,” “bitches in the living room,” “drinking Seagram’s Gin,” “rolling down the street” (of Long Beach, California (I hear it’s just terrible this time of year)), “smokin’ endo,” and then meeting up with Dr. Dre in order to consume more of a different brand of gin, smoke more high-quality marijuana, and be “served” by Dre’s “bitches from the city of Comptom.”
Tough day at the office Snoop? Jesus. You did absolutely nothing all day except use narcotics to relax you and lower your inhibitions, and then you presumably had sex with many different women. This is not challenging work. In fact, the only thing in “Gin and Juice” that makes me think it’s “kinda hard being Snoop D-O-double-G” is that you’re a grown man who still lives with his mom. At least she lets you have parties when she “ain’t home.”