“First option: You become Manny Acta’s assistant (even though nobody knows what he’s doing right now). This includes gopher tasks and maybe more intellectually stimulating things. You may even get to meet some famous ballplayers. You can bring Maisy with you to work and are compensated $75,000 for a baseball seasons worth of work. This task also includes the occasional handjo. Second option: The first words you have to teach your children are swear words. Fuck, shit, motherfucker, asshat, etc... You have to emphasize that they use these words before others. Things can occur naturally, like if your kids really want to say dada that’s okay. But you have to try to get them to swear all through the language learning phase.”
The second option isn't that bad. People would think it was funny unless they were humorless, and when my kids reached an age when they needed to know when to use certain words over others, they'd have an extensive vocabulary regardless of what I'd taught them first. Also, you may be overestimating the amount parents sit down and teach their babies language. Language get's absorbed through the natural speech of the parents and family. My kids are gonna learn swear words but they'll also be dropping lest into their conversations. That's just going to evolve naturally.