K-SCORE: 68
Director: Gareth Edwards
Screenplay: Max Borenstein
“not that chicken-legged little shit from Godzilla 2000”
Starring: Godzilla
Spoiler Level: Major
“Yeah he did!” I said to Willard as the credits rolled. One of the last scenes in the film features disasters refugees in the 49ers stadium looking at the scoreboard reading: king of monsters saves our city. And that about sums up the film’s greatest accomplishment.
The filmmakers knew that at no point were we not going to be rooting for Godzilla, so they made other giant insectoid kaiju for Godzilla to fight. Also the Godzilla design is the same classic chubby T-rex one from the 60s, not that chicken-legged little shit from Godzilla 2000. Godzilla’s fights are satisfyingly epic and there is sufficient collateral damage to suit my disturbing needs.
“Everyone in that theater is there for the same reason and it’s not to see Elizabeth Olsen play a nurse.”
The human characters are a huge waste of time after the monsters have been introduced. All main characters should have died by three quarters of the way through the film and then human beings should only have been shown from a great great distance, indicating Godzilla had taken his place as the protagonist.
Also they did more of that insert science words nonsense. Why even try? Why add cliche soldier stories and family-life garbage? Everyone in that theater is there for the same reason and it’s not to see Elizabeth Olsen play a nurse.
The main problem I have though (with the film that I actually enjoyed quite a bit) is that Godzilla doesn’t eat the other monsters after he kills them. Entire minutes should have been devoted to that. No music. No cuts. Just Godzilla meticulously tearing off pieces of the other creatures and eating them. Innovation.
Special Side Note:
Willard and I also came up with an idea for a sequel called The Return, advertised as a horrible war drama about a soldier coming home from serving his country overseas, having angsty wife problems and annoying neighbor problems, all alluding to his struggles to integrate into everyday society and then twenty-five minutes in, Godzilla returns and wrecks that annoying and terrible plot and replaces it with awesomeness. Highest second weekend box office ever.