K-SCORE: 17
Director: Dan Bradley
“It’s hard to take seriously and even harder to enjoy. It’s the kind of script that makes me wonder, who liked this draft?”
Writer: Carl Ellsworth, Jeremy Passmore
Starring: Chris Hemsworth, Josh Peck
Spoiler Level: Minor
Do writers and directors get hired out regardless of their interest in a given project? Red Dawn has the premise that North Koreans have successfully invaded the United States. Forget everything else for a second. What do you want to see? What do you want to know? Did you say a story focused on two brothers whining about responsibility and their interpersonal relationships? I thought so!
Meanwhile, let’s have the nation’s actual response to this - unlikely - invasion hang in the air like a foul odor no one is willing to mention. What is the US Army doing? There are soldiers presented, modern weapons and tactics. There are places beyond Spokane. Why does nobody care about what’s happening elsewhere, about the actual state of the war they’re fighting?
Most importantly though, even with the stupid direction of the implausible plot, the film is never any fun for anybody. The characters are so poorly written, the dialogue so generic, and the overall feel of the thing so humorless that any message about American spirit is lost as is any drama or sense of dread regarding the bleak circumstances. It’s hard to take seriously and even harder to enjoy. It’s the kind of script that makes me wonder, who liked this draft? Was this the writers’ first attempt? What did they see in it worthy of throwing so much money at it? There are a few entertaining war scenes tossed in there, but that’s the only redeeming feature I can find.
Also, was anyone really pining for a Red Dawn remake? (I really need a term for when Hollywood decides to remake something that was terrible to begin with. If anyone has anything good, let me know.) This old story probably should have just been allowed to die a quiet dignified death like parachute pants and Full House.
Addendum 2/1/16: WHAT?! They’re remaking Full House? Fuck you.